Posted by & filed under Uncategorized.

Fuck you. As a parent, fuck you. As an American, fuck you. As an atheist, fuck you too. As a believer in the constitution and the freedoms it grants us, double-fuck you.

You are a worthless parasite that preys on the pain and hurt of families, and more generally, a nation, to push your theocratic agenda. Fuck you for trying to blame the unfathomable actions of a disturbed individual on a narrow and quite frankly wrong version of both your faith and our history.

When the nation was reeling from the murder of twenty beautiful children and eight people that protected them, you decided that your impotent, petty, vindictive god “allowed” it to happen because we’ve supposedly kicked him out of our schools.

I know I have a lot of Christian friends who are rightly offended by this comment. The god of their faith is not so cruel as to murder a bunch of innocent children to prove a point. Or so petty to let it happen because his feelings are hurt. They understand that the separation of church and state exists not to prevent their faith, but to protect it.

America is not a Christian nation. It is a nation full of Christians. And Atheists. And Mormons. And Muslims. And Jews. And Hindus. And Buddhists. And Wiccans, pagans, and more faiths than anyone can name or hope to understand. The beauty of the grand experiment is that it recognizes what people believe or don’t believe needs to be protected.

This concept was so crucial to the core of what we are that it was the first thing codified into our constitution after the first draft. It was a heated topic back then, and so important that our first treaties called out that we are not a nation of faith but reason, one that protects all faiths.

Call this shooting what it is, a tragedy by a disturbed mine with ready access to dangerous items. Our country is divided and sick right now, that much is apparent. And it’s assholes like you, Mike Huckabee, that are dividing us and poisoning the water. So, fuck you.

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Posted by & filed under Project: Unfatassification, Weight Loss.

As anyone who is on my Facebook account knows, I’m in the middle of a diet and exercise program, which I jokingly called “Project: Un-fat ass” awhile ago. And it’s true, because I’d let my weight and health get so far out of control that I could only be called a fat ass. Sure, I have some bad genes that give me a pre-disposition towards being heavy, and I work a desk job, but the simple fact is that my weight got to high because I didn’t care enough to manage it. And also, I really like cheesecake.

For the record, I’d actually topped out around 311 or so, but when I started this whole program on May 21st, I was at 308.5, which, at my height (6’0″) and age (33), is about 118 lbs overweight. We’re not talking about a bit overweight or hitting the gym for a few weeks to get back on track, but being morbidly obese (by about 3 lbs over the cutoff) and paying the price. In short, I had to acknowledge that I was a fat ass. But more than that, I had to make a choice to change  that fact.

I believe in taking ownership of the things I can control and ignoring the things I can’t. I can’t change my genes or easily change my job, but I most certainly can change my behavior and habits. So that’s what this is about. I know, this is all strangely personal details to be putting on Facebook, and most of you didn’t want to know them. Well, too bad. It’s stuck there now! That and this is all part of my plan… the greatest motivator in behavior change is peer pressure. That’s why I post stuff here, and I’m not going to mince around with where I was at, how I’m doing, or where I want to go. Hopefully you all understand it (and that it’s preferential to my normal fare of politics or swearing during sporting events)…

I know, I’m using “ass” in a post, something that I usually try not to do, given that I have people of all sorts of beliefs and feelings on Facebook and I do generally try to avoid offending them. But I’m not going to sugar coat what this is all about, and want to make it clear, this applies to me and me alone. We’re all responsible for ourselves first and foremost, and I know plenty of people who are happy with where they’re at or changing their own pace.

So, expect to see all sorts of updates along with this. My end goal is 200 lbs, and as of today, I was at 277.8. I’ve made progress since I started this whole thing, but have more in front of me than behind, and it’s only going to get more challenging, not less.

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Posted by & filed under Posts, Rants.

It’s a weird thing to be far enough in my life where I’ve lived at least a third of it (and unless I get better about my weight and exercise, more). It’s even weirder to know that someone else’s life is starting shortly, and I’m going to have a hand it. But this isn’t about her or theories of how to raise her… that’s a different post.

I’m in a far different place from a lot of other people I know that have had kids. Julie and I have had years to plan and prepare, and I’ve worked hard to get a career and decent job in place, pay bills, and still maintain what I want out of my life. I have friends had kids when I was just finishing up college… and it’s scary to think that they’re already ten.

Of course, it’s only scary when I stop to think about the fact that these kids were born after 9/11, kids old enough to drive were born when cell phones were just becoming a bit more common, and next year, kids born after Windows 95 was released will be old enough to vote.

A week or so back, I was sitting with a friend and coworker after a team outing, drinking beer and bullshitting about all kinds of nonsense. Wrestling in the 80s, GI Joe toys, this year’s draft class. It was some of the most fun I’ve had in awhile doing nothing, but it laid down a little bug in me to go and look up some of the things that shaped my childhood.

My favorite toys back then were GI Joe, Constructs, LEGO, GoBots and Transformers (what, I couldn’t afford all those Transformers?), and the like. I’d stage little mock battles in my room, which was an absolute nightmare of a mess (things have changed drastically, I keep everything as neat as I can and have for years), GI Joe and Cobra going at it through a bit complex of building toys. Sadly, most of those things got given away, lost, broken, or ruined in the years since. I tried to go back a couple years ago and dig through my parent’s basement looking for things. Sadly, that place was an absolute nightmare, and anything there was ruined by neglect, flooding, or the general atmosphere around the place.

So, I hopped out to the internet (seriously, how did we live without this back then?) and started looking around. Clicking through old pictures of the toys brought back an absolute flood of my childhood, and some of the pain that went with it. GI Joe were my big thing when my brother died, and the only happy Christmases I remember back then were before and after those, when my parents were still trying to be a family. I had all kinds of big ships, figures, and my imagination is where I went to get lost and forget about all the hurt life had caused me.

So now I’m on eBay, trying to get some of them back, put together a collection. Not for any real purpose, other than it’ll look nice next to my LEGO stuff. I won’t pretend that these are for my daughter either… she can play with them in a few years if she likes, I really do believe toys are meant to be played with, but these are something I’m trying to get back.

In building that, it’s sad to think that these toys, now 20-30 years old, cost up to 100x much as they did back then (seriously, I paid $20 for a $3 set I loved back then just last week). Some things are going to take more planning, with certain vehicles I remember and love costing $100 or more (that once went for $15). I haven’t figured out where I’m going to put them, or what I’ll do once I complete some of these memories. Probably move on to the next one to put together. I should probably be a little “encouraging” to my daughter to keep the parts to her toys together just in case.

What is my daughter going to look back on and remember like this? The toys I’m buying now will probably be true antiques by then, something to get tucked into boxes for her to open up when she’s thinking about her own memories. She’ll probably wonder what the hell was up with her dad and the toys he played with as a kid. Sometimes I wonder that when I pull up stuff. But hopefully, these are just another piece to help explain who her dad was when I’m not there to remind her anymore.

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Posted by & filed under AFOL Stuff, LEGO, Posts, Rants.

Last week, Julie and I learned that our first child was going to be a little girl. I get asked if I was hoping for one gender over the other (and was before we found out, honestly), and the answer has always been the same, not in the least. The next question is usually something like “have any names picked out,” and that’s always something along the lines of “we’re thinking about it.” In truth, we are thinking about it, but even if we had a name picked out, we’re not going to share it until she’s born.

Plus, I always tell people that I’m looking forward to teaching her how to beat up boys (being a boy, I know that we almost always have it coming). However, I’m at least a bit torn by some things around having a girl. I would have had a related conflict if it was a boy, but not the same problem. It stems from my college days, in my English classes, back when I was studying to spend a life in fast food and living on ramen noodles (in other words, before changing my major to Computer programming and trying to get a real job), I realized I was a feminist. Read more »

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Posted by & filed under AFOL Stuff, LEGO.

You know, it’s always weird to explain that the LEGO sets I’m purchasing at various stores aren’t for my kids, but for myself. Especially when I do things like get an entire stack of Dino or Friends items, things that seem especially for kids. In the back of my head, I always hope that I don’t look like those guys I used to (and still do) make fun of at Target… Hot Wheels collectors.

When I worked at the Springfield, MO Target, in college, I’d have to open now and again. For those who haven’t had a retail (or food job), usually that meant getting up a whole lot earlier than you really wanted to and getting things ready. Usually, for me, that meant covering the Electronics and Toys departments. And every morning, starting at like 7 AM, there was a group of middle-aged (and occasionally younger) men that were waiting to rifle through our Hot Wheels pegs.

I know, it seems odd for one super-nerdy collector to poke fun at another group, but like all things in life, there’s a hierarchy to nerdy things, and the Hot Wheels guys have got to be on the bottom of the nerdy totem pole (or the top, depending on the culture). Most of the time, they were looking for a specific type of car, called a “Treasure Hunt” variant or something. These were a rare drop-in with the boxes we got to stock with, and usually were just something slightly special. These guys would often start tearing open boxes of cars we needed to stock shelves with, on our flats, or asking us if we’d already stocked it. Highly annoying.

Hopefully I’m never that guy. Luckily, there’s not as much “limited” about LEGO stuff, save the occasional promotion, and the Internet makes it easier to get. But at the same time, I’ve cleared off a shelf of something I wanted multiples of before (say, Battle Packs or the Ninjago shrine with the engraved bricks that came out earlier this year), and probably get compared to people like the Hot Wheels crowd.

None of that has stopped me from collecting over the years though. In 1999, I started with Star Wars, then added some Castle and Ninja stuff, and it’s all waned over the years. I’ve stuck with Star Wars, given up on Ninjas, sold off Batman, bought it again when Superheroes came out, and have been trying to get the entire Modular Buildings series. It’s not a cheap hobby, as my wife would certainly tell you.

I probably don’t want to think about the cost of my collection, or the fact that a good 90% of it isn’t even put together. I don’t want to think about the parts I have all sorted, and the effort of trying to gather and customize my own stuff. I have a closet full of stuff just sitting there, waiting to be used in something, and huge Rubbermaid bins of unbuilt sets. And there’s always new stuff coming out, so it’s not as if I’m going to finish my collection anytime soon. Unlike stuff like action figures or even Hotwheels, the fun of LEGO is building, not just some sealed up box.

Of course, I know that collecting LEGO stuff isn’t all that far off from any other collectors hobby. Plus they look cool and fun, and my little girl is going to have all kinds of toys sitting around when she’s born in August. So my days of looking weird buying sets are numbered… I just need to make sure my daughter is on board with helping me look normal.

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Posted by & filed under AFOL Stuff, LEGO.

So, I was thinking about trying to start a new sort of post on my blog, which I hardly ever update and very few people ever read, that touches on what is pretty much my main hobby, LEGO stuff. I want to call it “Trials of an AFOL,” which makes no sense if you’re not into LEGO. For the uninitiated, AFOL stands for “Adult Fan of LEGO,” or what most people would call “those sad people who spend way too much time in the toy section without a kid.”

And so you know, I’m not trying to make some deep comment with the trials thing, I’m poking fun at it. I’d make some sort of “first world problems” or “white people problems” sort of joke, but people who say things like that are in desperate need of being punched in the face. A lot. But like any hobby or pastime we take seriously, collecting or building LEGO stuff comes with, and creates, a weird set of challenges.

And that’s what I’d like these articles to be all about. And maybe someone wants to read them.

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Posted by & filed under Uncategorized.

This was originally submitted to PZ Myer's call on Pharyngula for submissions on why his readers. You can follow the link to see the brief version of what I wrote, this is going to be a more fleshed out version that I can post here to litereally dozens of people (as compared to the millions over there). In the short note I put with it, I wrote that I had to send it in because it is a question that simply demands to be answered.

Too often, unbelievers, and Atheists specifically, are demonized as being misguided, angry at god (which is about the biggest logical fallacy ever), or all kinds of things… other than someone who simply doesn't believe what the majority of Americans believe. While in no way a scientific sampling, those are almost never (if ever) true. Usually, people arrive at atheism through a touch of logic, introspective thought, and common sense.

Another reason it needs to be answered is simply out of anger at the constant slights that Atheists, and even the word atheist, get throughout our society. Again, something demonized and slandered, seen as the one group you can hate no matter what. Or, as Lois Griffin on Family Guy said (seriously for her, poingiently and sarcastically for Seth McFarline) of being an Atheist: "That's like the worst thing you can be!"

It isn't. And as I'm going to show, it's the only thing I can be, and for the good of the world, the thing I wish everyone else was too.

Read more »

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Posted by & filed under Posts, Rants.

I'm just going to skip the part about how I'm bad at updating this blog. That's a given. I am going to give a disclaimer that this post is going to talk about something uncomfortable to most people, politics. Sure, I've heard the trope about how you don't discuss sex or politics in public, but hey, I think people should talk about sex more in public. So I figured I'd talk about politics.

One thing that most anyone can agree on right now is that our current government is broken. Not the process itself, but the people and how they have perverted the whole thing. I supported Obama, I still do, but there is a huge lists of things I would have like to have seen done differently. But those idiots in congress, with a few exceptions, all need to be voted out. The Republicans for being idiots in general and constantly playing the "Screw you guys, I'm going home" card, and the Democrats for bending over too much and letting them.

Government is the art of compromise, in finding the middle ground that everyone is the least unhappy with. No one should get everything they want, because once you are elected, you represent everyone, not just a narrow band of people who voted for you.

I've had in my mind a fantasy for the past couple of years, and it goes like this. For whatever reason, I'm called to testify before congress. I've resisted the urge to tell them where to shove it, since the very idea that they hold some sort of authority is asinine, and went there. And I request (or demand) to make an opening statement. And in my fantasy, it goes something like this:

"Congressmen and women, before we start, I'd like to say, on behalf of all Americans, please, go fuck yourselves."

I expect I'd get in trouble, and cause an uproar, but I bet that would be absolute gangbusters on YouTube. And as we all know, there's far more democracy on YouTube than there is in Congress. It's not because they're corrupt, most of them probably aren't. But they all are in a basic CYA mode looking at their next election and not, in any way, giving a shit about Americans past their Fox News or CNN soundbites.

As a whole, our government, and for that matter, a lot of Americans, don't seem to understand how our country works. First, it's not democracy, it's a democratic republic. Second, blaming the President for unemployment, the deficit, debt, stimulus, or anything is more or less hanging a big sign over your head that says "I do not understand 8th-grade Civics and need to spend more time with School House Rocks." Third, and probably most important, the majority of Americans and far too many of our leaders do not know shit about history.

Take the Tea Party, for example, and Republicans in general, for trumpeting up the conservative messiah, Ronald Regan. Outside of the fact that he was, in hindsight, a horrific president, he was so far outside the ideals of current conservatives that he'd be hated more than Obama. And he was white, so they can't even hate him for irrational reasons. He raised taxes (after lowering them), invited the first gay couple ever to spend a night at the white house, basically invented non-wartime deficit spending, grew government by an outlandish amount (while screaming that it was somehow the problem), and propped up the military-industrial complex at the end of the cold war to consume far too many of our tax dollars, and gave us "trickle-down economics" which was thoroughly dismissed by economists (and led to the lowest growth of middle-class earnings outside of a recession).

In fact, the person they're probably thinking of was Dwight Eisenhower, the last republican president who could really be called "great," kept debt and deficit in check while giving a huge "socialist" push in civil spending. He also warned us against the runaway military spending that takes 25 cents of every dollar we pay in taxes. And the problem is no one seems to realize this, at least not anyone on Fox News, CNN, in Congress, or at a Tea Party rally. And sadly, not at the near-nonexistent Democratic rallies either, because for all the talk of Hope, we're a very uninspired bunch right now, but not nearly as pissed off as the other side for some reason.

Here's the problem as I see it. Feel free to disagree, as you'll see, that's kind of the point. Americans have forgotten what discourse is, and that it, and its cousin debate, are what made America great. Discourse is the act of written and verbal communication, the act of discussion. Not lecture, but discussion. The loud flavor-of-the-months like to champion the Constitution, but have seemingly never read it. And even worse, never read what made it.

The Constitution was not written in a vacuum. It was not some grand idea that was thrown out and everyone saw a revelation and agreed on. There was arguing, fighting, debates, and disagreements. They were there even once it was published. Want to know what our Founding Fathers were thinking, and since a lot of them weren't involved in the government once it was there, those who came after. Want to know about the debate between states and the federal government, go pick up the Federalist Papers (and the anti-federalist writings as well).

You will understand that all the stuff we seem to argue about has already been worked out for us. They debated and argued, because they understood that it was important to the process. The Bill of Rights was the ultimate form of compromise, and a strengthening of the Federal process. It wasn't arguing in Congress (though there certainly was a lot of that), it was through 85 essays that made their case, and in practice, made compromises. They believed that the discussion was important, crucial in fact, to the whole process.

Is the US a Christian Nation? Nope, the Treaty of Tripoli outlines that quite nicely () and that is the law of the land, as defined in the Constitution ("This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the constitution or laws of any state to the contrary notwithstanding."). And that was in 1797. And yet that very question has divided our country for a few decades now, and there's no reason for it. There's not any purpose for it in what a government does.

Does the government have a right to provide for the public welfare? Yep. Were our founding fathers in favor of welfare programs? Some were, some weren't, but all supported taxes of some sort. In fact, that was part of the purpose of codifying the federal government, to be able to create taxes, levies, and tarrifs to fund and support trade between the states and other countries. Thomas Paine, the paragon of current conservative virtue, was in favor of an Estate Tax, higher taxes on the wealthy, wealth distribution to the poor, and even welfare (See his work Agrarian Justice if you're curious). Thomas Jefferson, who was effectively an anti-federalist, was against them, but he was also against mingling religion and government in any way, as well torn on Slavery (and released only a few of him many slaves). But they were more than willing to go and debate and discuss it, and in all cases, compromise.

We don't get that. We don't get the discussion. We get a bunch of children screaming and refusing to acknowledge that half the country doesn't believe the same things. We don't get compromise, we get some asshole who goes out there and says he wants to raise taxes on the majority of Americans to benefit the upper .1% (in the misguided idea that giving the super-rich leads to more jobs, which it hasn't in 10 years, they just throw it into their funds and sit on it). Ironically, that's a Republican that wants to raise taxes. He's the same person who felt they got screwed in the asinine debt ceiling debates because they only got 98% of what they were asking for.

On the other side, we don't have democrats that demand a debate, didn't fight for it, and just basically bent over and took it. Both sides are ignoring the people that voted them in, pandering to a small bunch with a lot of money, and making a joke out of our system and our country. We need to demand discourse, we need to demand compromise from both sides, and we need to demand for them to listen. Tax everyone their fair share, compromise on other issues, and stop mixing social and civil issues as if they were the same. End the war on women that they're waging, the bigotry and racism wrapped into the process, and have them do their jobs.

It's the discourse that's important. And the discourse that is missing.

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Posted by & filed under Uncategorized.

I let an entire month go without blogging, other than the fact I wanted to update this at least a few times a week. It seems like that’s going to be unlikely. Instead, I come here to type while I’m watching the Cowboys game, which means it could be full of anger or simply the disenfranchised observations of a football fan enduring what the Cowboys and Longhorns are doing this year. Watching mistakes wreck games and the Longhorns offense that isn’t even a shell of itself. And now Romo is hurt and out for the game, most likely more than that.

I’m not sure what to make of things as of late, at least in a few areas. Work has me a little frustrated, to be honest. I get interrupted all day long and it’s making it hard to get things done. Often it’s for completely pointless things that have nothing to do with work, and I want to just throw a book at the person. If I’m in the middle of something and it’s not important, maybe just let me work. I wish I could work at home some days, just because I get so much more done. More than that, we’ve been hiring like crazy lately, and senior PAs now outnumber PAs 3:1 (there are 6 on our team now). So the likelihood I’ll be able to get promoted on the team is pretty much zero at this point, or so it would see to me. Then again, they thought I was a PA when they last reorged our team, and I was quickly promoted (10 months later) to the position.

I’ve been pondering looking for positions elsewhere, but haven’t really made up my mind. I probably should. And I probably shouldn’t post this here, but it’s not a secret to the Facebook coworkers I have, I don’t think. I’m not sure I like what I do, but at the same time, I don’t really dislike what I do. I do my job, and what’s asked of me, and will change as needed. Sometimes, you have to change for yourself.

I’ve also been playing World of Warcraft again, and actually enjoying the game and some of the changes they’ve made. But they have made it harder to gear a character up with the absolute saturation of geared-up characters. I leveled my warrior up to 80 and tried to tank, but the recent patch made it difficult for tanks, and even worse for one that’s not fully geared yet. So I wonder if I level up other characters and just wait for Cataclysm to hit in December (and other players I know to come back).

I also need to get back into the gym. Any of the weight I’d lost a few months ago I’ve gained back, and need to get back to it. I can’t go on on the path I’m on. But I like cookies, so I’m torn.

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Posted by & filed under Rants.

Really, I did. In middle and high school I was in the advance track for English simply because I’d tested in 4th grade for placement in a district program called “Talented And Gifted” (TAG). I remember taking a test where I had to draw pictures and answer questions. I didn’t think much of it, we took our Iowa Test of Basic Skills (ITBS) and an IQ test around the same time. In hindsight, they didn’t make me wear a helmet and a winter coat year round after that, so I guess it went okay*.

But I disliked writing. I loved to read ad draw, but in my childhood mind, English was the subject that had the least use for me. I couldn’t spell for shit either, and more than once netted d’s and f’s on tests (in fact, until a health class in high school, my only d’s ever were from spelling classes).

I can’t really put a reason on why, other than the fact that I was more or less left to my own devices for my studies. My parents only cared about the end results of things, and not what it took to get there. A D on my report card was terrible, and I’d get grounded. But they never once took a moment to ask about what I was studying or try to help me. It was the same with all activities I did, really. I once asked my mom what she thought about a song we’d performed in band, and she said she hadn’t listened because she was too busy videotaping it. That was about the time that I stopped caring if my family showed up to any of my activities, they weren’t there for me anyway.

I don’t know if that’s the reason for my somewhat irrational hatred of English classes, but I do know what pushed me towards liking them. It was the english comp class everyone had to take, and something I’d put off (I took Brit lit, an advanced reading course, etc, to avoid it).

I was scratching along, doing enough work to pass, when an assignment came up to write a short story at least 10 written or 6 typed pages long. I opted for writing, since I didn’t own a printer and just had gotten my pc, didn’t have Word, etc. It was 1995, computers weren’t exactly common back then.

Back then, I was reading mostly pulp trash that related to my playing D&D or some such nonsense, an had already started to get tired of the bland and cookie-cutter feel that the books offered. So I just made up a Sci-Fi story and setting called Requiem: Necale, about a pilot who’s ship goes off course, her meeting with an alien race of shapeshifters, etc. It was a fairly bad story, in hindsight, but hey, I was in high school and didn’t know how to write. However, my comp teacher held up the story and called it out to the class and told anyone that was interested in the subject to read it. It was probably the first time that anyone had complimented anything I’d done in school, let alone in front of the class.

Maybe I’ll continue the story sometime, or maybe you can figure out how it went given that I’m writing this (that and got an English minor in college). Still can’t finish a story though.

* I received the results when I was given my permanent file after graduating high school. I tested in the 99% national percentile and 98% local percentile on the creativity indexing test. The IQ test was in the 140s, I think. So yeah, I’ve basically never put my skills and gifts to proper use. Or never wanted to use those gifts.

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